2008/04/08
Denial
I used to welcome newcomers with the good news, 'There is a limit to the human capacity to experience pain.' After that point, humans will either go insane, go into shock, or commit suicide. Denial is part of the insanity route.
For those who have decided to face their pain and insanity, denial is the first opponent. It will blind you. It will make thoughts and solutions, literally, inconceivable. It will change the appearance of people and events, making them falsely malevolent or benign. It lies to and sabotages you at every step. It's fast, slick, and knows just what you want to hear and see.
It's not a river in Egypt, nor is it a problem to be treated casually and dismissed with a too clever retort.
In the struggle with your own mind, you need reinforcements. You are not stronger than you. You must assemble a group of people whose judgment and honesty can be relied upon. People who will name the lies, dispel the illusions, find the traps and hidden doors. People who will tell you when you are blind, blocked, paranoid or gullible.
It's easy to hate denial as the enemy, but that's a mistake.
Remember, this is your own defense to protect you from serious, even unbearable pain. Too much, too soon, too quick will drive you again to either insanity, shock, or suicide. Recovery is a long struggle.
In your recovery, consider denial to be overprotective. It's an unprincipled and relentless opponent, but not an enemy.
For those who have decided to face their pain and insanity, denial is the first opponent. It will blind you. It will make thoughts and solutions, literally, inconceivable. It will change the appearance of people and events, making them falsely malevolent or benign. It lies to and sabotages you at every step. It's fast, slick, and knows just what you want to hear and see.
It's not a river in Egypt, nor is it a problem to be treated casually and dismissed with a too clever retort.
In the struggle with your own mind, you need reinforcements. You are not stronger than you. You must assemble a group of people whose judgment and honesty can be relied upon. People who will name the lies, dispel the illusions, find the traps and hidden doors. People who will tell you when you are blind, blocked, paranoid or gullible.
It's easy to hate denial as the enemy, but that's a mistake.
Remember, this is your own defense to protect you from serious, even unbearable pain. Too much, too soon, too quick will drive you again to either insanity, shock, or suicide. Recovery is a long struggle.
In your recovery, consider denial to be overprotective. It's an unprincipled and relentless opponent, but not an enemy.
